WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize