i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
