Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
