Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
