I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
