She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
