you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
