I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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