you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize