I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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