Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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