Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
