At least make sure they are 18
Why
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
