Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They have beer where we have blood.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
