Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
