So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
