dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
