I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
