Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
