I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize