Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
