I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
