We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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