i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
