i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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