Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
