am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
