He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
