yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Michael Bay diarrhea
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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