Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize