If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
