its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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