There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
