connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
