Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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