Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
