I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
