my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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