I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
