First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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