I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
