if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just crazy horny about you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize