It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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