dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
