My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have demons in me.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
