New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
