remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
