note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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