I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
