I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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