i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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