Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
