glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
