Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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