one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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