Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
