No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
two words: eviction party
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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