im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
