Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
