I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
