whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
