party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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