The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
