never play flip cup with pint glasses
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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