$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
