Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
