I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
