i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize