the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
