Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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