I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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